To Protect And Serve

This should be a no brainer, but I'm going to discuss it anyway.

Gentlemen. If you have sex with ANY woman that you don't want to have a child with... WEAR A CONDOM. One that you provide for yourself, not one that she gives you. This means carrying them with you at all times. Stick a couple in your coat pocket. Leave a box of them in your car. Whatever you have to do to make them available to yourself, DO IT.

Honest to God, I don't know what some guys are thinking, but they continue to have unprotected sex with casual girlfriends and even one nite stands. The pat answer is 'they aren't comfortable' and 'we were in the heat of the moment'. I have news for you. BABIES ARE NOT COMFORTABLE. And they need to be taken care of for a very long time.

Here's why I brought this up today. I was smoking a cigar outside my business, which is located next to a coffee shop (it's Seattle, every place is next to a coffee shop). Anyway, this 20 something little hottie was talking on her cell phone, loudly, proclaiming to the person on the other end that she 'didn't have to work, her babies daddy made good money and that he paid her plenty of child support'. On top of that she followed with this: "I wish I could find a new guy with a good job so that we could have a baby, then I'd really be set!" I shit you not my friends, she actually said it. And I was floored.

But then I realized that this was exactly what America has come to. There are many chicks out there just looking to strap you with a child support payment. Hell, she might even act like she really wants a relationship, maybe even marriage, because that will come with a house too! See, what's going to happen after you provide all those things she's going to change. Decide that she needs more. Decide that you've CHANGED. Decide that she needs 'space'. Guess what happens in all 50 states if this goes down. She will automatically get your house, so that there is a roof for the children. On top of that she's going to get child support for each and every offspring, and that's going to last a very long time. Up to 22 years in some states. Oh and don't forget the alimony. She was busy being a homemaker and doesn't have any skills, so your going to pay for that too.

So there you are in your studio apartment, eating Top Ramen and watching a 13 inch t.v. wondering where you went wrong.

The moral of this story is easy. Be damn sure that the woman your with is worth the risk before you have unprotected sex with her.

I'm not saying that this is indicitive of every woman in America, but I will say that there is a large percentage of the female population out there looking to score. And by score I don't mean sex, I mean money. Lots of it. For a long time.

Condoms. I mean it. Carry them. Use them. COVER YOUR ASS.

Lecture over.