How to break up with a woman

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Divorce

Q: Why are divorces SOOO expensive?


A: Because they are worth it.

N.O.W. represents women's rights, right?

You be the judge.

What's in it for me?

Marriage?

What's in it for me?

I was thinking the other day about marriage in general. First of all, no MAN came up with this idea. No man EVER sat down, got out a piece of paper and something to write with, and came up with a marriage contract.

Lemme see here... I'm going to ONLY sleep with one chick from now on. I'm going to work day and nite to support her and the offspring she produces. I'm going to listen to her nag, gripe and moan. Till I friggin' die. Yeah, that sounds like a winner.

Oh, and then if she decides she's tired of me? Well, if that happens, she should get at least half my stuff, and half my paycheck for the rest of my life while she's shacking up with some 23 yr old drug addict that demands my children call him daddy.

To Protect And Serve

This should be a no brainer, but I'm going to discuss it anyway.

Gentlemen. If you have sex with ANY woman that you don't want to have a child with... WEAR A CONDOM. One that you provide for yourself, not one that she gives you. This means carrying them with you at all times. Stick a couple in your coat pocket. Leave a box of them in your car. Whatever you have to do to make them available to yourself, DO IT.

Honest to God, I don't know what some guys are thinking, but they continue to have unprotected sex with casual girlfriends and even one nite stands. The pat answer is 'they aren't comfortable' and 'we were in the heat of the moment'. I have news for you. BABIES ARE NOT COMFORTABLE. And they need to be taken care of for a very long time.

Here's why I brought this up today. I was smoking a cigar outside my business, which is located next to a coffee shop (it's Seattle, every place is next to a coffee shop). Anyway, this 20 something little hottie was talking on her cell phone, loudly, proclaiming to the person on the other end that she 'didn't have to work, her babies daddy made good money and that he paid her plenty of child support'. On top of that she followed with this: "I wish I could find a new guy with a good job so that we could have a baby, then I'd really be set!" I shit you not my friends, she actually said it. And I was floored.

But then I realized that this was exactly what America has come to. There are many chicks out there just looking to strap you with a child support payment. Hell, she might even act like she really wants a relationship, maybe even marriage, because that will come with a house too! See, what's going to happen after you provide all those things she's going to change. Decide that she needs more. Decide that you've CHANGED. Decide that she needs 'space'. Guess what happens in all 50 states if this goes down. She will automatically get your house, so that there is a roof for the children. On top of that she's going to get child support for each and every offspring, and that's going to last a very long time. Up to 22 years in some states. Oh and don't forget the alimony. She was busy being a homemaker and doesn't have any skills, so your going to pay for that too.

So there you are in your studio apartment, eating Top Ramen and watching a 13 inch t.v. wondering where you went wrong.

The moral of this story is easy. Be damn sure that the woman your with is worth the risk before you have unprotected sex with her.

I'm not saying that this is indicitive of every woman in America, but I will say that there is a large percentage of the female population out there looking to score. And by score I don't mean sex, I mean money. Lots of it. For a long time.

Condoms. I mean it. Carry them. Use them. COVER YOUR ASS.

Lecture over.

More T.V. Talk

Last nite I was watching some T.V. (A&E, watching the Cold Case Files, love that show)

Anyway, once again I felt personally insulted by a commercial that played during one of the breaks.

This commercial is one that promotes blocking your t.v. channels that might be inapropriate for children. I'm not sure, but I think it was run by www.controlyourtv.org. So in this commercial a man has come home from work and plopped down in his easy chair to watch a little tube. Problem is, the channel he wants to watch won't come on. So he's yelling 'hooooney!', because he's obviously not smart enough to figure out what's wrong on his own. At this point in the spot his ten or twelve year old daughter comes in and explains to him that MOM has blocked THAT channel. Then there's a few seconds of her explaining how the blocking process works followed by MOM's entrance. At the end of the commercial dopey old dad asks THE DAUGHTER if he can watch the channel he wanted to watch, to which she replies, you'll have to ask MOM. So he does as instructed and is flatly told by MOM, no.

Gentlemen. You do not need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what is wrong with this commercial. Once again some marketing company thinks it appropriate to portray men as weak, dumb, helpless idiots that are only around to bring in a paycheck and to answer to our wives and children.

I'll tell you one thing, it'll be a COLD day in Hell before I EVER ask a woman, IN MY OWN HOME, if I can watch a certain channel on T.V. In fact, I'm pretty damn sure I won't be asking PERMISSION to do anything, especially as long as I'm the bread winner.

This commercial makes me angry and every single one of you should be pissed off too. Sound off if you've got a pair fellas. This crap is unacceptable. But the problem is that a huge percentage of men out there DO live exactly this way. Walk around Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon and check out the purse holders hanging out in the plus sizes panty isle. THESE GUYS ARE MAKING IT WORSE FOR THE REST OF US.

Men need to be men. Need to take back what's ours. Not the bread winner in your house? Then become it, go out and get a job that provides for your family. It's your job, do it.

Maybe you are the bread winner, but are still one of those 'yes dear' pussies afraid that your 280 pound queenie might leave if you stand up for yourself. Hell maybe she's even still 105 pounds and a goddess, but runs your house. Brother it's time to stand up, it's time to be a man and it's time for you to do what you were born to do. Take your balls out of her purse and tell her who the man is. I'm not saying that there can't be an equal share of power and a team effort, not at all. But I see it too many times, guys that are addicted to a chick simply because she lets him have some pussy once in a while, and these guys allow these broads to run them entirely. These are the guys I'm talking to.

Trust me guys, EVEN if she does leave you're going to be better off. You're going to have your self esteem and your dignity back. You'll have your manhood.

What you don't know can kill you

B.W.S. Ever heard of it?

It stands for Battered Wives Syndrome and it's a phrase that every man in America should know.

Here's what it means to old Johnny Q.

Your Wife, or significant other, can take your life, claim that you were an abuser, and often not do a single day in jail. EVEN if there was never a single documented event of abuse in the home. I.E.- Not one time the cops came for a domestic situation.

That's right. Your beautiful flower, the woman you love, the one that you trust, the one your making your life with, has a COURT RECOGNIZED alibi for making you into swiss cheese.

What's even more frightening is that in the last two years governors in many states have granted complete clemency to several hundred CONVICTED female murderers simply because they claim to have been in abusive homes. Many of which can't prove it, they simply claim it's true.

Now don't get me wrong, some woman ARE victims and some of them do have tons of documentation to back up their claims of years of abuse. Though I don't believe they have the right to take their husband's life, I do think that for them this defense is quite a bit more rational. But what's troubling about this whole thing is that there are HUNDREDS of woman that are using this defense for justifiable homicide that don't have a single shred of proof that their counterpart was abusive. It's based solely on her word. We certainly don't get to hear his side of the story. Mostly because he's fertilizer. How convenient.

Even worse is that courts in general seem to lean towards women. So unfortunately this defense is going to fly for a while until someone finally proves that some woman is a liar and that her husband was a decent hardworking Joe.

Till then, watch your back. Remember, dead men tell no tales.